I am in a time of great loss. My wife went to be with the Lord on July 14th at noon. So I am doing a lot of reflection on suffering the death of a loved one in my own life.
Each person grieves in different ways. So there is much freedom on how to be sad over losing one we loved. It is vital we give people the liberty to express their sorrow in the way that fits their soul and not create a “cookie cutter” approach to such tragic times.
This does not mean that we cannot make a difference between healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with the pain of being seperated by death from one we love. Some ways of coping just don’t work.
Deciding to live in denial and act like nothing happened.
Deciding to use drugs, sex, or alcohol to silence the pain.
Deciding to just stop living since we have suffered such a great loss.
Deciding to jump into a romantic relationship to fill the lonliness we now feel.
But there are things we can do that are healthy.
Giving ourselves time and being kind to ourselves. For some people this will mean having time alone mainly and for others seeking the companionship of others more. Total isolation is not good or total drowning of ourselves into relationships is normally to be avoided. But finding our own mixture here that fits our personality is best.
Telling ourselves and others about the best parts of the relationship we had with the other preson. Also talking to counselors or trusted souls about unresolved conflicts we had with the one we lost.
Journaling our thoughts and feelings is helpful to many people. The journal can be any writing, drawing, or expression that allows you to get out of you into the physical world what is happening inside. This is a true release and when done in the presence of God as a type of prayer can be very powerful.
Here is a resource for such journaling.
So there are many different things that are healthy and holy to do during a time of being overcome with great sorrow over the loss of a loved one. It is normal and expected that we will be sad for even Jesus wept at the funeral of a friend. Regardless of how much faith we have or don’t have, mourning the loss of a loved one is part of our lives here “East of Eden”. So give yourself the freedom to grieve. It is expected for even God grieves “East of Eden.”
I will be teaching a seminar on “Learning How To Mourn” on August 8th at 10 AM. Come if you feel it may be of help.