Dealing with same-sex attraction & gender identity

By Dr. Norman Wise

Begins at 6:30 PM – Send questions by chat on ZOOM

Where are we going?

Understanding Worldview & Sex

Understanding God & Sex

Understanding the Gospel & Sex (Sacred Sex)

Sex & Sin

Why would ”Same Sex” attraction not be God’s will?

The impact of the fall on gender identity

Treating each other with love and respect regardless of our different points of view – Practical questions of life

Having hope in the middle of all of this confusion


Worldview & Sex


Worldview & Sex

Worldview with God

Study on Worldview

God & Sex

The God Story

God & Sex

Creation & Sex:  God created human sexuality as part of God’s image in humanity allowing them to know the joy of the loving communion of the Trinity, the potential to become partners with God in the creation of eternal human souls, and the ecstatic love experience of human beings in union and communion with God fellowship worship.

God & Sex

Rebellion & Sex:  Rejecting the sacred understanding of human sexuality and using it for selfishness without a focus on healthy committed love and doing whatever seemed right in the individual’s own view to get the most pleasure and satisfaction from sexual contact.  Sexuality became divorced from God, ethics, and morality.   It was just a biological function aimed at personal pleasure, personal satisfaction, and personal glorification.   Sexuality was seen as ”low and dirty” while God was “high and pure”. 

God & Sex

Redemption & Sex:  Sexuality is now seen as physical expression of the union and communion of Christ & HIS Church as his bride.  Here we have sexuality in the covenant commitment of marriage representing the exclusive loving committed relationship of Christ to the community of his disciples in which HE is the vine, they are the branches, and the fruit of LOVE is produced by their “abiding”  together in union and communion of life producing love.    The picture of a Hero rescuing a princess and bringing her home is seen in the gospel.

God & Sex

Restoration & Sex:   Human sexuality and marriage were always a “shadow” and “sign” of the reality of an intimate, personal, joyful, and pleasurable union, fellowship, and love relationship with the Triune God by human beings.   Now that this ultimate experience of God and humans is attained no marriage or sexuality is needed.   So human sexuality and marriage are not part of the eternal kingdom for the better “marriage” with Christ Jesus and spiritual intimacy with HIM fully satisfies us at a level beyond our imagination at the moment

Sex & Sin

The Bottom Line

[Rom 3:20, 23 NLT] 20 For no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are. … 23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Human Sexuality is wonderful and a gift of God

Human being ”East of Eden” always practice sexuality in a state of being wounded, weak, and wicked.

So, every sexual acts to one degree or another has fallen short of God’s ideal and even our righteous deeds are filthy rags judged by pure holy love

This is why we need forgiveness & grace

Sex & Sin

Basic Biblical Logic of all the commands concerning sexual and romantic activity:  [Deu 10:12-13 NASB20] 12 “And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, 13 [and] to keep the LORD’S commandments and His statutes which I am commanding you today for your good?

God’s commands are for our good because HE loves us and knows what is best for us since God designed us.

God only forbids sexual attitudes, words, and actions that bring harm to us.   Because God loves us God tells us how to now harm ourselves and others.

Sex & Sin

Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit – (Matthew 12:31-32

Blasphemy against Father & Son

Religious Hypocrisy is worst than homosexuality

[Mat 11:23-24 NLT] 23 “And you people of Capernaum, will you be honored in heaven? No, you will go down to the place of the dead. For if the miracles I did for you had been done in wicked Sodom, it would still be here today. 24 I tell you, even Sodom will be better off on judgment day than you.”

All sins are not equal

Some actions are less and other more against God’s will for our lives.

Sex & Sin

[Heb 13:4 NLT] 4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are sexually immoral and those who commit adultery.

Every sexual action and attitudes that is outside of a marriage between a man and a woman is not God’s will and brings objective moral guilt to us.  This will bring  harm to ourselves and others. 

Sex & Sin

[Mat 5:27-30 NASB20] 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 “Now if your right eye is causing you to sin, tear it out and throw it away from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your [body,] than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 “And if your right hand is causing you to sin, cut it off and throw it away from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your [body,] than for your whole body to go into hell.

Sex & Sin

[Rom 1:24-27 NASB20] 24 Therefore God gave them up to vile impurity in the lusts of their hearts, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. 25 For they exchanged the truth of God for falsehood, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. 26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged natural relations for that which is contrary to nature, 27 and likewise the men, too, abandoned natural relations with women and burned in their desire toward one another, males with males committing shameful acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

Sex & Sin

[1Co 6:9-11 NASB20] 9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor [the] greedy, nor those habitually drunk, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

Sex & Sin

[Gal 5:19-21 NASB20] 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, 20 idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, 21 envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

What type of Sex is not God’s will?

Lusting after someone you to whom you are not married (all pornography)

Sex outside of a one man and one-woman relationship

Forcing sex on someone against their will (even if married)

Being immodest in talk or appearance

Seeking and causing any sexual arousal before marriage

Seeking and causing any sexual arousal to someone you are not married to while married to someone else (adultery)

Lusting after someone of the same sex

Having sexual conduct with someone of the same sex

Sex in marriage that is selfish and not motivated by love

Sex outside of God’ Will for me

The Bottom Line

[Rom 3:20, 23 NLT] 20 For no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are. … 23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Human Sexuality is wonderful and a gift of God

Human beings ”East of Eden” always practice sexuality in a state of being wounded, weak, and wicked.

So, every sexual acts to one degree or another has fallen short of God’s ideal and even our righteous deeds are filthy rags judged by pure holy love

This is why we need forgiveness & grace

Understanding the gospel & sex
(Sacred Sex)


The Gospel & Sex

[Eph 5:31-33 NASB20] 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, as for you individually, each [husband] is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife [must see to it] that she respects her husband.

[Rev 19:7-8 NASB20] 7 “Let’s rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, because the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His bride has prepared herself.” 8 It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright [and] clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.

The Gospel & Sex

The Gospel is the man who represents Christ seeking out a woman who represents the church and their mutual commitment of love now become “one flesh” in sexuality to illustrate the unity and joy of a saving relationship with Christ.

Application for Married Couples – See your intimacy as sacred and as a foretaste of heavenly joy with Christ.

Prayer:  Holy Spirit now as we show love and respect to each other in our intimacy, grant to us the joy of heaven on earth in our loving each other as Christ has loved us. 

Why would Same Sex attraction
not be God’s will?

Creation Sex Defines God’s Will

[Gen 1:27-28 NLT] 27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”

[Gen 2:22-25 NLT] 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.'” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.


Sexual orientation: A component of identity that includes a person’s sexual and emotional attraction to another person and the behavior and/or social affiliation that may result from this attraction. A person may be attracted to men, women, both, neither, or to people who are genderqueer, androgynous, or have other gender identities. Individuals may identify as lesbian, gay, heterosexual, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or asexual, among others.

American Psychological Association. (2015). APA dictionary of psychology (2nd ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Why? – Sexuality is complicated

Symposium – Plato at 400 BC – Society promoted men having wives and a young teenage boy with whom they were sexually active (Pedophile today)

Biology can increase psychological and physical struggle but does not change the morality of a sexual action

At the core of sexual morality is the denial of doing what we would want to do if there was nothing wrong with the desire or activity.

 Where is your moral line?

Impact of the “Fall” on Gender identity

We are wounded and Weak

Disorders of sex development (DSDs) are a group of rare conditions where the reproductive organs and genitals don’t develop as expected.

If you have a DSD, you’ll have a mix of male and female sexual characteristics.

You may have sex genetics (bundles of genes) normally associated with being female (XX chromosomes) or male (XY chromosomes), but your reproductive organs and genitals may be:

of the opposite sex

not clearly male or female (ambiguous or atypical)

a mixture of male and female

This occurs because of a difference with your genes and/or how you respond to the sex hormones in your body. It can be inherited, but it often occurs randomly for no clear reason.

Gender Identity

According to the Mayo Clinic, most children typically develop the ability to recognize and label gender groups, such as girl, woman, and feminine, and boy, man, and masculine, between ages 18 and 24 months. Gender identity also develops socially from cues the child is surrounded by, Leikam says. “By the time a child is five-to-six years old, they may have a more rigid gender identity, but socialization and gender cues and norms can be taught and modeled to a child,” she says.

For most people, gender identity becomes fixed in childhood and doesn’t develop in puberty and adulthood, although gender expression and/or gender roles may change and evolve, Dr. Nichols says. “For transgender/nonbinary people, puberty is extremely distressing, and may even be the first time it really becomes clear to them that they are trans/nonbinary,””


When Gender Becomes An Internal Struggle

“When someone has a different gender identity from the sex they were assigned at birth, it can create anxiety, frustration, depression, despair, and potentially suicidal thoughts if the person feels like they cannot express who they truly are,” Dr. Leikam says.

This is what’s known as gender dysphoria: the conflict between a person’s assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify. People with gender dysphoria are often very uncomfortable in their own skin and with their “assigned” sex. Studies suggest that the prevalence of a self-reported transgender identity in children, adolescents, and adults ranges from 0.5 to 1.3%.

Mayo Clinic on Transgender issues

Gender Identity

All human beings are wounded and weak now ”East of Eden” in our internal understandings of who we are in our psychologically

For some this inner struggle is about identifying themselves with the objective sex they are biologically in their emotions and minds

These feelings and thoughts are real and part of the impact of our leaving “Eden”

Such feelings can be increased and encouraged by cultures.

Care and Compassion

[Mat 7:12 NLT] 12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

[Luk 6:31, 36 NLT] 31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you. … 36 You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

Have empathy with those who struggle with this internal psychological trauma.

Modern medicine has opened a door where the question is just because we can do something, should we do it.

Seeking inner healing and wisdom from God should be part of our search for such hard situations.

Danger of “popularization” of the idea encouraging people to think in these terms.

Medical & Surgical Change
Does not lead to happiness

Andrea Long Chu writes a heartfelt and heartbreaking op-ed on life with gender dysphoria. Titled “My New Vagina Won’t Make Me Happy,”

Chu acknowledges that the surgery won’t actually “reassign” sex: “My body will regard the vagina as a wound.”

Chu acknowledges that “transitioning” may not make things better and could even make things worse.

We need to find better, more humane and effective, responses to people who experience gender dysphoria.

Not a solution anymore then Abortion

“In 1979 Dr. Ihlenfeld warned his colleagues about unsuccessful outcomes. Based on six years of experience treating over 500 people with cross-gender hormones, Dr. Ihlenfeld sounded a warning on gender transition. He found that there was simply too much unhappiness among patients after changing genders, and that too many people who had sex change surgery later took their own lives. In his medical opinion, 80 percent of those who want a sex change should not do it. And for the remaining 20 percent, he found that that the sex change would only provide a temporary reprieve, not a lifelong solution.

When so many post-operative transgender individuals remain distressed, even suicidal, then a reasonable conclusion is that surgery is not sufficient to eliminate the depression.”

Love & Respect

Love & Respect Each Other

[Mat 5:43-48 NLT] 43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Finding Hope

God can change things

[Joe 2:12-14, 21, 28, 32 NLT] 12 That is why the LORD says, “Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. 13 Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.” Return to the LORD your God, for he is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish. … 21 Don’t be afraid, my people. Be glad now and rejoice, for the LORD has done great things. … 28 “Then, after doing all those things, I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your old men will dream dreams, and your young men will see visions. … 32 But everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved, …..

Resource:  Desiring God Ministries

One Mother’s Story by Ann Mobley. –

If I Tell You I’m Gay, Will You Still Love Me?: One Mother’s Journey to Truth and Grace

by Ann Mobley  | Nov 9, 2015. -See Interview at Focus on the family contributors by Ann Mobley

Footnotes on issues of Gender & Gender information from Mayo Clinic